Parenting-Then and Now

This article details the parenting practices of the past and present times. It also highlights the challenging being faced by the middle and upper middle class Indian families. In conclusion the article offers suggestions and ideas for parents and other carers of children on how to bring up children that have a well developed personality.

It is a well documented fact that a well nourished child is not only more active and exploratory but is also able to interact better with parents, teachers and his peers. The interactions the child has further helps in the child’s learning’s. There are two major factors which affect personalities of the child are -Heredity (the inherited potential) and Environment which normally includes, social ,family and physical background of the child, educational facilities and other opportunities. The basic physical needs of the child are food, sleep, rest, exercise and emotional needs are secure and caring environment. If both these needs are met along with different types of learning opportunities, we will have a child that has both a well rounded and a balanced personality.

Urban Middle and Higher Income Urban Group-Current scenario

If we observe the children of urban middle and upper class today, we notice that they possess many more positive qualities compared to children of earlier generations. Today’s children are less shy, more expressive, much more confident and have a clear idea of what they want., They are also know to speak their mind and are very practical. On the other hand many children do not posses many life skills such as control over anger, emotional stability, dealing with crises. It also appears that today’s children are now more self catered. The current scenario is -

• The urban family is a nuclear family with 3-4 members i.e. mother, father and one or maximum of two children. The child gets all the facilities but does not have many human beings to interact on a daily basis including learning how e can interact. This results in the child not learning how to share facilities and making adjustments
• As more mothers are working in the cities, more children are put in play school at an early age. Not all schools have adequate infrastructure and teaching facilities. Often many classes are overcrowded where teacher/student ratio is poor. Not only do the children do not have suitable supervision but of they also do not have adequate opportunities for physical exercises.
• The competitive nature of academics meant that children have to spend a great portion of their time studying, mainly in front of the computer monitor. This not only means that they not doing any physical exercise but also are not interacting face to face with other children. This often results in physical, social, emotional and psychological problems. Research studies have shown that depression, obesity, hypertensions are some of the emerging issues for the new generation of children.
As most of the families are financially well off, the children are not expected to provide any help around the house.
• The children have a very practical approach and this has resulted in extreme cases some very negative and insensitive characteristics. Helping attitude, respect for elders, are not very common traits amongst the children of today. Today’s approach seems to be take advantage of the situation without thinking about people it may affect. Give and Take attitude ‘ Fayda Uthao’ is becoming more common.
• Although educational level of the masses is increasing, there is lack of awareness about what to do in the case of crises, emergency and untoward situations.
• Basic manners and etiquettes like welcoming, attending and greetings to known family friends and guests, parents and relatives are also being forgotten by the children of today
• Lack of innovations / creativity is also being observed in many aspects of life like academics, crafts and arts. In today’s world where things are easily and cheaply available and this means children are losing their creativity
• Reading ,operating computer /laptop lying on bed or sofa , sitting in wrong postures ,watching TV programs for long periods of time without any break has also created many health problems like back, body, neck pain , digestive and other physical problems in children.
• Many children do not have healthy eating habits and eat all sorts of starchy snacks and soft drinks regularly. They do not brush teeth and have dental problems. Lack of proper meal times also results in either over or under eating.
• Lack of liking for healthy foods like fruits and vegetables (particularly green and yellow), whole cereals and pulses causes malnutrition/ over nutrition in the population.
• Extreme emphasis on education to attain high results means that often children are running from one tuition to another for studies, extracurricular activities. Ie sports or music lessons.
Some children are not able to cope with this additional pressure and this makes them more stressed, irritable and less patient.
• Many adults today have "I don’t care and chalta hai attitude". There is no concern for what is happening around with the people in general, the children of today’s generation are copying this attitude of their parents.

Present challenges

The scenario described above has created many challenges and these include:-
• Due to globalization, modernization, and information technology there is excess information through print and audio -visual media.
• Problem of plenty – With more parents working, there is too much disposable income today and this resulted in many temptations for everyone. People are buying things whether there is a need for it or not
• Easy availability of snacks and other eatables and drinks is a major challenge as these foods often are in high calories, fats and salt content that cause harm to the health. With busy and overcommitted lifestyles and a high disposable income, the practice of eating home made fresh foods is declining.
• Lack of human interaction and over dependency on cyber friendships, is causing less sharing of feelings and children are feeling lonely. Superficial sophistication, lack of communication for fear of being misunderstood leads to gap in relationships.
• As both the parents are full time working outside in some cases, parents are supervising or spending time with their children.they don’t have adequate time for children and for themselves of children leading to lack of communication and supervision.
• Tough and cut throat competition in getting admission in schools and colleges causes anxiety and insecurity amongst children.

Parenting practices in the period of sixties to nineties

My suggestion is that it will be better if you put the comparisons along with the current situation otherwise it kind of stands on its own does not make sense.

• In the past it was usually one member of the family who was working, (normally father). This meant that the family income was limited and money was only used for important and necessary things. People also kept money aside to help family and friends in their hour of need.
• People could not afford hired help and did most of their work themselves. Time and effort and things done by the family were valued and people did not think it was below their dignity to do menial jobs around the house. People did not feel ashamed of doing household work instead they used to feel proud of cooking at home, trying new recipes, making some artistic items and decorating home.
• People in general were less stressed, more tolerant towards other people and able to adjust to different situations as families were living in joint families, they had more human interaction, and were more amiable to help others in times of need and other happy occasions.
• As money was short, dependency on luxury items was less. .Middle income families could not afford to pay for air conditioners, heaters, personal transport, gas, micro oven, ready-made foods, and beverages. Often people from earlier generation state that although the money was less in older times, people felt life were more satisfying and meaningful.
• Food was not wasted and food was cooked at home only fresh ingredients were used. Therefore people did not suffer diseases like obesity, hypertension, diabetes, allergies, constipation, stomach infections amongst children was less.
• Families were fitter as they would help in household related activities like cooking, marketing, cleaning, attending to guest. The children were lot fitter as they helped in the household chores.
• Games and Activities with local and indigenous material were common. Innovative games were encouraged and for school assignments people would do their projects themselves or with the help of parents and elder siblings.
• Families were more affectionate towards each other and there was greater bonding.
• Children were often rewarded for their undertaking activities to help the family i.e. practicing cleanliness, keeping their environment and belongingness organized, and for good handwriting and new achievements.

What is required now, how do we improve things?

A supportive and safe environment develops the hidden potential of the child unlike a non supportive environment. Therefore, the true role of the parents/caretakers is to stimulate, encourage, support and contribute towards the full and harmonious development of their children. Here are a few guidelines which may help the parents/caretakers;

Practicing a combination of Good practices of older and present tim

• Knowledge is unlimited but how much and what should be explored and retained is important. Emphasis should be on what is good and required by children to survive successfully in this world;
• Positivity attitude at home should be cultivated .A happy and positive person is liked by everyone and studies have shown that children of happy and positive homes are more balanced and intelligent.
• The habit of keeping home neat, clean and organized by the children themselves should be encouraged and developed.
• Parents/ elders should restrain from showing off, before purchasing anything, assessment should be done regarding its need and utility.
• Periodical Involvement of children in experimental and innovative cooking during festivals, laying dining table, cleaning, washing and home decoration should be encouraged.
• Time for watching TV, using internet, face book, listening to music, and other activities should be limited so that the studies and outdoor activities of the children are not affected.
• Tactful and sensitive monitoring of Childs activities should also be done.
• People should be taught to value money and saving habit should be taught from the childhood.
• Respect, care and interactions with senior people should be encouraged. Right values should be cultivated from the beginning. Good etiquettes should be encouraged.
• Self assessment and introspection should be taught.
• Encourage children to value importance of not wasting food.
• Teach safety and security norms / methods by adopting and practicing them.
• Encourage children to deal with the odd situations by doing so during crises and not getting panicky.
• Help children to have a reachable goals, purpose and objectives in life.
• Importance of charity should be taught. This will help children to get a feel of the problems being faced by the deprived sections of the society.

  * Nirmal Tikku, Ex Deputy Director, NIPCCD , New Delhi, INDIA